So it's been a while since the last time I posted....not really to much going on right now.
We did find out we are going to deliver in the medical center at the women's pavilion attached to Texas Children's hospital. Chase and I will meet the new team of doctor's Tuesday February 26th. We will have a fetal ultra sound done and another echo cardiogram done, then we will meet the the OB/GYN that will deliver me. His name is Dr. Ivey, I have heard really good things about him.
That being said, this past Sunday was a hard day for me for some reason, I got up and was OK, but when I got in the shower and could hear Brody talking to chase I lost it....such a flood of emotions....( does a good cry count when your in the shower?) I just kept thinking about having to be away from Brody for any period of time...I mean this little boy, my everything for 2 1/2 years has been my world...I love him so much I never want to be one day away from him and now I will be.... How do I tell him, Mommy and Daddy won't be home every night, or that sissy isn't feeling good and she will have to stay at the hospital to get better. As a parent you don't ever want to be away from your children ( breaks are nice and all but after a day or two its enough) So I am struggling with that. I know that we have an AMAZING support team and so many people have offered to help with Brody which is so nice, but it is still very hard. I don't ever what him to feel second best or neglected in any way. So please pray for peace for Chase and I with not being with Brody everyday. We have made an agreement that we will NOT go more than 48hrs with out seeing him and spending the day or night with him. If you have ever been around him...you wouldn't want to be with out him...he's just an amazing child...I know I am his mom but dang that child is one of a kind!!! Its amazing how God does things giving Brody to us first, he is so kind, and loving yet so funny and crazy...I know he is going to be the best care giver for Brynn, I am so excited to see them interact.
So I get out of the shower and then another wave of emotions hit me...tomorrow ( Monday February 4th 2013) is my last OB visit with my AMAZING OB...I know ,who is that attached to their OB/GYN?...well I am...LOL he has been my doctor since I had Brody, he was amazing...he is a wonderful Christan man that genuinely cares for you. We had some fertility issues with Brody and he was so supportive and caring, and helpful...let alone when I gave birth, what an amazing experience that was. So yeah, I got attached to him and his nurse. His nurse so just as sweet and kind, and so personable, I couldn't ask for better care, I don't know if they will ever know what they mean to me and how much I appreciate them, you get comfortable with people who are apart of the most intimate times in your life...and knowing that they won't be there anymore ( which I know if I needed them they would be) is really hard. It makes this situation kind of seem...Real. I know it's real I have seen the pictures and talked to the Cardiologist but until you are 100% full force in the situation, you can kinda still push it to the back of your mind. This was kind of the last puzzle piece...changing doctors. So I cried again...
By this time Chase realizes that my " poles are crossing" ( he says this when I have freak out moments and he doesn't understand why! HAHAHAHA) So the look on his face was so sweet and confused at the same time...but he didn't ask any questions he just held me and let me cry....I sure did hit the jack pot when I married him. He's my best friend...and I thank God daily for him. He has stood by me and loves me unconditionally I couldn't ask for a better Husband and father to our Children. So Chase, thank you for being there for me...I love you more than you can ever imagine, you truly are my better half!!!
Church was GREAT....just what we needed to hear! I think obstacles are put in our way sometimes and it would be so much easier just to fall to defeat, but the God gives you that extra push that you need...THANK YOU LORD!!! I have learned through this situation so far...that God really wants you to lean on him, and take your burdens, joys and anything else you have and give them to him. He wants to be strong for you. So I am letting him
I have been pretty strong so far...and I feel really good about things and know that GOD is in control, but I know its normal to have some days where is just down right hard...I am sure I will have several of them, and I am OK with that...but I know that with God and my family and Friends we will get though this....It could always be worse....we are being blessed thorough out this entire situation and are just in awe of God's work so far.
I want to thank my Parents too: I called them Sunday night...I just really wanted to hear their voices...my mom was asleep so my Dad answered...we talked for a little bit, he said he was watching foot ball, I said I was watching Dirty Dancing...BEST MOVIE EVER!! LOL and his response was " No body puts baby in a corner" LOL this movie means so much to me...odd yes, but it does. No matter what or where my dad and Are we can start talking about it and it brings a smile and so many memories back to me ...and not to mention the " Lift" I don't know how I didn't break my dad's back...lol we must have done that a million times...I loved this...like was obsessed with this! And my dad never complained about doing it, not once. So after we laugh and talk for a little bit, I guess he could sense something wasn't right..parent's intuition I guess...so he asks me if everything is ok....and I guess in the middle of him asking he wakes my mom up or she wakes up, but either way he knew I was fixing to need them both. AND I DID!!!!! I let them know about everything I said above and they just listen, comfort, and tell me all the right things. I truly appreciate you mom and Dad....you two are such inspirations to me, I love you so much and I am so blessed to have amazing roll models like you!!! Thank you for instilling such amazing morals in Tabitha and I ....we are who we are because of you( even though I am the favorite and much more FAB...LOL ).
Tabitha, thank you so much for being my best friend, my go to person, the person I confide in yet YOU never judge me....I LOVE YOU big time sissy!!!!
Thank you to all who have shown supports, called, text, FB hugged us, everything...you have no idea what angels you are to Chase and I. We ask for your prayers to continue. If you have questions please don't hesitate to ask we don't mind...really. But thank you all so much!!!!
We are excited to take this journey with you all!!!
I know just how you feel, with the whole sibling thing. But I was reminded during that time that it was a season when Quinn needed us more and Ryan would be in the best care possible. And one day, those roles may reverse. You just do your best and don't let mommy guilt eat at you. You'll find what works for you guys --- Matt and I basically switched off every 24 hours, we would pass each other every a.m. at the hospital and then one of us would go home to be with Ryan. It was exhausting, but it was also very, very necessary for us to see Ryan and have a little normalcy in a very "un-normal" situation. And I know one day Ryan will understand, as will Brody. You'll see what compassion he has & that brother/sister bond is amazing.
ReplyDeletebtw, and this is just my personal opinion so take it for what it's worth --- but a lot of well-meaning people will say things like "God never gives you more than you can handle" or "God knew you were strong so he gave you this situation", etc etc. I know they meant well by saying it, but scripturally, it's not accurate. And during our period of crisis, I found that you know what? God DOES give us more than we can handle. And I think He does it for a very specific reason - so during that time we realize how helpless we really are without HIM. We must trust Him and be totally dependent. And that's the only way that I can explain why we got through relatively unscathed, emotionally and physically. God gave me the strength when I didn't have it. Because I wasn't strong. He was strong for me and I realized my utter dependence on Him and how much I need Him, in both the good and bad times. It was a spiritual awakening of sorts. Anyway, hope some of that makes sense :) Continuing to pray for you, Chase, Brody and little Brynn. She is going to be one amazing little girl.
Beautiful Kellie Ann... I read this out loud in the as Dad and I were headed to lunch. And I just have to say, we both had tears welling up and running out. We love you ever so much, we know that this is going to be quite the journey ahead. Right now it's like this is the beginning before the beginning of the journey ahead. I know that you are experiencing an "awareness" of what is to come. I love the way God gives you a sense of what is to come to you can begin to prepare your mind, heart and soul to be as ready as you can. Crying is so good, so healthy, so "real" as you say. I love that you are being "real" and speaking and sharing your truth. God enters into the "real" places so much quicker... I just love you and praise God for the gift you are. I praise God for Chase. I praise God for Brody. I praise God for Brynn. I praise God.
ReplyDeleteLove you endlessly,
Mom